Damn this is good!!! I’ve said, “as a mother” too many times to count, as I spoke those word, I totally felt that it would give what comes after more weight. 😩 ugh, no more. Thank you for giving me a new perspective. I kinda knew deep down inside something didn’t feel right when I used that phrase. And you’re totally spot on about “as a father of daughters”
Leena Norms recommended this essay and I am not disappointed. I feel your meaning with my whole being. From someone who got their tubes tied over the summer (while completely fertile, at age 27) and has been dealing with other people's emotional fallout since, thank you.
This is an amazing short essay! Very powerful indeed. I run a publication on Medium called Life Without Children (Life Without Children is also on Substack as a second home, but not behind a paywall and not with all it's content). Medium allow writers to publish content there that has already been published on Substack, and it can be monetized. I would love to invite you to write for Life Without Children. If you don't know how Medium works, happy to talk this through.
This just shows how little empathy most people have. Our system cultivates narcissism and this is the result.
We don't try to cultivate our ability to see others way of moving through the world. We also actively kick out the creatives who are born with a spatial giftedness that cultivates empathy.
This despite the fact our system's backbone runs on the free or extremely devalued labor of the empaths.
We should stop serving those that do not serve us.
any form of entitlement or somehow trying to find a valid argument for one's authority in anything is flawed. It speaks of exclusionism and and is wrong in an argumentative context. it is trying to establish hierarchy. the reality is that our society is based on patriarchy and has no other option for making groups and subgroups of people to isolate and deter from our main reason of existence: to connect with one another, to communicate, coregulate and cooperate as a collective. it needs our polarisation. Anything to divide, fragment and disperse. BUT, as a mom myself (i'm sorry) if people want to underline their own experience and give context in an exchange of thoughts or storytelling i think it is a valid thing to do. It is a very loaded and extremely sensitive and often very personal subject and therefore something that should be treated carefully and respectfully and with every person involved in that conversation in mind, like speaking about any group that can be seen as divergent from a perceived norm. we should challenge that normative thinking! as someone who has also at some point been a non-mother, i do emphasize with your anger!
I'm very late to this, Amy (having joined Substack today), but oh boy do I agree - personally and professionally. As a non-parent, it winds me up, and as a speechwriter it was the bane of my existence. I tried to keep that baleful phrase out of my principals' mouths, but it wasn't to be. Hope this finds you well, by the way.
Some of the best caretakers I know are not mothers. Compassion is not synonymous with parenthood! (Still Born by Guadalupe Nettel explores this beautifully)
Damn this is good!!! I’ve said, “as a mother” too many times to count, as I spoke those word, I totally felt that it would give what comes after more weight. 😩 ugh, no more. Thank you for giving me a new perspective. I kinda knew deep down inside something didn’t feel right when I used that phrase. And you’re totally spot on about “as a father of daughters”
Thank you for such an enlightening essay.
👏👏👏
Leena Norms recommended this essay and I am not disappointed. I feel your meaning with my whole being. From someone who got their tubes tied over the summer (while completely fertile, at age 27) and has been dealing with other people's emotional fallout since, thank you.
As a non-parent who loves some kids that are not mine (obviously), I felt this in my bones. Thank you.
This is spot-on — thank you for writing it!
agreed!! Im a mum and always get the ik when I hear parents says that
Yes! I detest it too.
❤️
Thank you so much for writing this xx
This is an amazing short essay! Very powerful indeed. I run a publication on Medium called Life Without Children (Life Without Children is also on Substack as a second home, but not behind a paywall and not with all it's content). Medium allow writers to publish content there that has already been published on Substack, and it can be monetized. I would love to invite you to write for Life Without Children. If you don't know how Medium works, happy to talk this through.
https://lifewithoutchildren.com/
OMG Yes!!!!!! THANK YOU for saying this
This is so good I want to highlight every line 😮💨
thank you for reading!
Well said! As a non-mother I feel seen by this ❤️
This just shows how little empathy most people have. Our system cultivates narcissism and this is the result.
We don't try to cultivate our ability to see others way of moving through the world. We also actively kick out the creatives who are born with a spatial giftedness that cultivates empathy.
This despite the fact our system's backbone runs on the free or extremely devalued labor of the empaths.
We should stop serving those that do not serve us.
any form of entitlement or somehow trying to find a valid argument for one's authority in anything is flawed. It speaks of exclusionism and and is wrong in an argumentative context. it is trying to establish hierarchy. the reality is that our society is based on patriarchy and has no other option for making groups and subgroups of people to isolate and deter from our main reason of existence: to connect with one another, to communicate, coregulate and cooperate as a collective. it needs our polarisation. Anything to divide, fragment and disperse. BUT, as a mom myself (i'm sorry) if people want to underline their own experience and give context in an exchange of thoughts or storytelling i think it is a valid thing to do. It is a very loaded and extremely sensitive and often very personal subject and therefore something that should be treated carefully and respectfully and with every person involved in that conversation in mind, like speaking about any group that can be seen as divergent from a perceived norm. we should challenge that normative thinking! as someone who has also at some point been a non-mother, i do emphasize with your anger!
I'm very late to this, Amy (having joined Substack today), but oh boy do I agree - personally and professionally. As a non-parent, it winds me up, and as a speechwriter it was the bane of my existence. I tried to keep that baleful phrase out of my principals' mouths, but it wasn't to be. Hope this finds you well, by the way.
Some of the best caretakers I know are not mothers. Compassion is not synonymous with parenthood! (Still Born by Guadalupe Nettel explores this beautifully)
yes I love that book!