I was at your event in portobello books, and you were fabulous. I completely hear you when you say you felt there was a disconnect between your thoughts and your words, and the powerful effect of hormones on our brains. I’m 44 and definitely experiencing perimenopausal symptoms and at times felt lost at sea. I want to acknowledge how that feels for you and also say how brilliant and eloquent and thoughtful you were on the night. Thank you for sharing!
Amy dearest, I am the Steph who jumped up in your birthday post on Insta and urged readers to sub to this! Good morning to you. I was just now gazing into my poached eggs when your email came through. I had to put fork and knife down immediately and felt compelled to crack on, chuck the debris in the dishwasher [well, minus the eggs] and go find my laptop to respond properly, as it were. I am a smidgen older than you, I think, at 47 [borderline 48 FFS], and realised at some point in late 2022 that I had been battling perimenopause for two years already. What you describe above is the inception of brain fog, as so many of us like to describe it, and it is brought about by the drastic drop in testosterone. I am not here to give some form of science lesson on this [I take mine from Dr Newson!] but rather to sing the praises of your SHARING. In short, I feel so seen this morning. I've always been an exceptionally prolific reader and writer, keeping diaries and later blogs since before blogs were a thing. Two literary degrees, five languages spoken, a veritable MOUNTAIN of documents penned in my lifetime, from business requirements to scripts for animated videos. And nothing, nothing at all pertaining this period of my life, distresses and discombobulates me more than searching for that one word that is suddenly and inexplicably eluding me. Nothing confounds me more than re-reading a cliché, or a turn of phrase, or an idiom whilst wondering... hang on... that does not sound right... I find myself in your aforementioned situation [particularly in video meetings], in medias res, when the train of thought suddenly slips off my fingers like the end of dental floss and the more hastily and frightfully I bend down to grab that end and the faster the line disappears. I could be sitting right here with my boyfriend talking to me and the silence hangs; he has asked me a question but I have not heard it. In all of this, and then some, such as the aching joints, even as I exercise as much as I always did, or with my new spare tyre in the middle, the one that made me go HANG ON where is my WAIST, it is the elusiveness of the tables of the database that is my brain that throws me off, and angers me, the most. We don't need to go into the medical side of it here [that is worthy of another tragic comment, hahaha], suffice to say, I had no idea this was coming, I had no idea it even existed, and I had no idea that supposed youth would feel so derisively, so surprisingly, and so unfairly short.
Thank you SO much for sharing the messiness of these experiences in real time, rather than waiting to reflect back with tidy nostalgia. I am 40, and aware that I am trotting towards peri-menopause on a horse that one day is going to decide to break into a gallop, and I won’t be able to stop it. Seeing someone I revere talk about this epochal time (that we all go through, and yet is STILL shrouded in far too much mystery) is so helpful and generous. Because our compassion and understanding of each other elevates us all. Thank you Amy.
I feel this. When I’m losing my words, or walking into things and just generally being a car crash I’m almost simultaneously shouting ‘it’s not me, it’s the peri menopause’
It was a treat to chat, dear Amy. The more I age (in a willful body, no less), the more I realise that the best conversations are the ones that unfold from the middle of things -- that messy place where life is happening, and we all surrender to the mess and the joy of it, and we show up as we are. You did just that and you did it beautifully. Thank you for telling this story, which I'm sure would make Miranda July smile and nod knowingly. (If we're lucky, she'd throw in a little dance too.)
I was at your event in portobello books, and you were fabulous. I completely hear you when you say you felt there was a disconnect between your thoughts and your words, and the powerful effect of hormones on our brains. I’m 44 and definitely experiencing perimenopausal symptoms and at times felt lost at sea. I want to acknowledge how that feels for you and also say how brilliant and eloquent and thoughtful you were on the night. Thank you for sharing!
oh thank you Louise, that's so kind!
Amy dearest, I am the Steph who jumped up in your birthday post on Insta and urged readers to sub to this! Good morning to you. I was just now gazing into my poached eggs when your email came through. I had to put fork and knife down immediately and felt compelled to crack on, chuck the debris in the dishwasher [well, minus the eggs] and go find my laptop to respond properly, as it were. I am a smidgen older than you, I think, at 47 [borderline 48 FFS], and realised at some point in late 2022 that I had been battling perimenopause for two years already. What you describe above is the inception of brain fog, as so many of us like to describe it, and it is brought about by the drastic drop in testosterone. I am not here to give some form of science lesson on this [I take mine from Dr Newson!] but rather to sing the praises of your SHARING. In short, I feel so seen this morning. I've always been an exceptionally prolific reader and writer, keeping diaries and later blogs since before blogs were a thing. Two literary degrees, five languages spoken, a veritable MOUNTAIN of documents penned in my lifetime, from business requirements to scripts for animated videos. And nothing, nothing at all pertaining this period of my life, distresses and discombobulates me more than searching for that one word that is suddenly and inexplicably eluding me. Nothing confounds me more than re-reading a cliché, or a turn of phrase, or an idiom whilst wondering... hang on... that does not sound right... I find myself in your aforementioned situation [particularly in video meetings], in medias res, when the train of thought suddenly slips off my fingers like the end of dental floss and the more hastily and frightfully I bend down to grab that end and the faster the line disappears. I could be sitting right here with my boyfriend talking to me and the silence hangs; he has asked me a question but I have not heard it. In all of this, and then some, such as the aching joints, even as I exercise as much as I always did, or with my new spare tyre in the middle, the one that made me go HANG ON where is my WAIST, it is the elusiveness of the tables of the database that is my brain that throws me off, and angers me, the most. We don't need to go into the medical side of it here [that is worthy of another tragic comment, hahaha], suffice to say, I had no idea this was coming, I had no idea it even existed, and I had no idea that supposed youth would feel so derisively, so surprisingly, and so unfairly short.
thank you Steph, it’s weirdly comforting to read this!
Thank you SO much for sharing the messiness of these experiences in real time, rather than waiting to reflect back with tidy nostalgia. I am 40, and aware that I am trotting towards peri-menopause on a horse that one day is going to decide to break into a gallop, and I won’t be able to stop it. Seeing someone I revere talk about this epochal time (that we all go through, and yet is STILL shrouded in far too much mystery) is so helpful and generous. Because our compassion and understanding of each other elevates us all. Thank you Amy.
thank you Dilly - it’s so helpful for me to write about it because otherwise I feel like i’m going mad!
I feel this. When I’m losing my words, or walking into things and just generally being a car crash I’m almost simultaneously shouting ‘it’s not me, it’s the peri menopause’
I'm around your age and know EXACTLY what you mean. This is so well put. xx
Thank you for sharing so tenderly. Sending you love ❤️
My mum has been going through the menopause and she is the same!
It was a treat to chat, dear Amy. The more I age (in a willful body, no less), the more I realise that the best conversations are the ones that unfold from the middle of things -- that messy place where life is happening, and we all surrender to the mess and the joy of it, and we show up as we are. You did just that and you did it beautifully. Thank you for telling this story, which I'm sure would make Miranda July smile and nod knowingly. (If we're lucky, she'd throw in a little dance too.)